The Quest for the Third Window
Chapter 1: Joining the IIRS and a Wasted Resume Austin8310 walked into the IIRS office. "Hey, I got referred by this pope guy to come here." The secretary sat up and pointed that way. "Go and get your suit there. You're hired." Austin8310 stared at him, his eyes bugging out. "Are you kidding me? I just walked in here! I planned out my resume for a WHOLE WEEK! And I just walk in and you say I'm HIRED? GAH, what a waste of time." The secretary grinned and replied, "Two things. One, you're tall. Two, you have a fish. That's all our requirements." Austin8310 walked into the hallway, put on a cloak, grabbed a scythe, and then pulled up the hood. He decided he hated the scyth, and threw it. He picked up the fish, and walked back to the secretary. "When do I leave? Where are the destinations? This job seems awfully unplanned? How much money should I get?" The secretary seemed to be used to this. "You leave now. Go with those three outside. Then, stop where they stop. Get as much money as you want." Austin8310 walked out the door, muttering about how talkative that secretary was. As he approached the van, the cloaked figure grinned. "Prepare to go, mate! We're going now." The van left the parking lot and sped off. Chapter 2: Antics of Antics 3:00 PM, Antics Mansion.  Austin banged on the door. WHAM. WHAM. WHAM. "Hello? Anyone home? Hey, the door's unlocked! Hey…now that I think about it, this is the Antics Mansion. I bet that there’s plenty of Third Window Knowledge here." He opened the door and ran into the hallway. SPLOOSH! A bucket was over his head, and water was dripping down the cloak. "ALL RIGHT, SOMEBODY'S GOING TO PAY!" He then saw some penguin in the other room. "Aha! He’s going to pay for that! I shall get my knowledge and taxes! He snuck up on the unsuspecting (or not) Explorer 767. As he prepared to swing, he noticed out of the back of his eye something behind him. Ah, it wasn't important. Then, the inflatable dummy flew through the air, hit the wall, and bounced off and hit Austin in the head. "I really hate this job." As he was walking out the door, he didn't see the banana peel.  After that, he was a lot less eager to enter the Antics neighborhood again. ---- Explorer was laughing. "OH, that's a good one!" Director Benny did not approve. Chapter 3: Yes. No. YES. NO. Austin8310 had been transferred. He’d been fired from the SPC district for getting a little too violent…in other words, just knocking out his “customer” and running away with the money. He ended up on a centerway heading to FG. The IIRS van was going along, when he saw a large building. “Hey! Check that out! Whoever owns that needs to pay up.” The other IIRS agents nodded, jumped out of the vehicle, and went around the neighborhood getting doors slammed at them. Austin8310 glared at them. “Real talkative, aren’t they. Ugh. Oh well, here goes…” He knocked on the door. No answer. He waited… 10 Minutes Later Austin8310 was angrily pounding on the door now. BAM! BAM “LET ME IN! PAY YOUR TAXES!” BAM The door eventually broke. “Okay, that wasn’t part of the plan. Who lives here anyway?” he said as he was walking through the building. ---- Akbaboy was watching it all through a monitor in his room. “An IIRS guy. Get him!” 5 servants dashed out of the room. ---- Austin8310 was wandering the long halls of the building. “Hello? Anyone home? Pay your taxes! If you don’t…never mind.” Then, the 5 servants came up to him. “Sorry, but we aren’t paying taxes.” “Yes you are.” “No, we aren’t.” “Yes, you are.” “NO, we AREN’T.” “YES, you ARE.” “NO WE AREN’T!” “YES YOU ARE! “NO, WE AREN’T!” “YES, YOU ARE!” “This is kinda predictable.” “GET EM!” The five servants leaped at Austin8310, smashing his jar to pieces and ripping his robe. Eventually, it developed into a brawl. “YAH!” ‘”OW, MY FACE!” “NOT THE PIZZA HAPPYNESS KICK!” “I THINK JOE’S KNOCKED OUT!” “EAT MY FISH!” “Mmm, tasty.” Austin8310 stared at the servant taking a bite out of his fish. NOBODY took a bite out of HIS fish and survived. Unsurprisingly, the brawl started up again. ---- Four hours later. Austin8310 returned to the van. All the other IIRS goons were glaring at him. One stepped up to him. “HEY! You were in there for 6 hours! We finished in 1 hour. We had to play Rock-Paper-Scissors for FIVE HOURS!” “I like Rock Paper Scissors.” Replied Austin. “You’re being transferred back to SPC.” Chapter 4: SPC is Painful Kwiksilver’s Igloo Austin8310 slowly opened the door. “Hi! I’m your friendly IIRS man and...forget it.” He saw a note on the green door. “What’s this? Gone to 2400 AD, be back soon? Drat.” ---- Hat Pop’s Igloo Austin8310 angrily walked up through the lawn. “Anyone home?” He then opened the door and proceeded inside. Hmmm, nobody was there…but then again… “HI-YA!” Hat Pop appeared out of nowhere right in front of him. Austin8310 shrieked like a girl and ran to the IIRS van. ---- Explorer and Fred’s Igloo Austin8310 slowly and carefully approached the window. After what happened last time, he wasn’t going to be reckless. KNOCK Fred opened the door. Austin8310 said “Hi! I’m your friendly IIRS man!” and threw down his hood, revealing his face. Fred shrieked and ran into the igloo, locking it. Austin8310 vaguely remembered this guy. OHHH YEAHHHH…he captured him and threw him in a crate in the GSWI. Oh well. Surely he’s forgotten that. He tried knocking again. The door was locked. “Pfft, this penguin is more of a weirdo than TSP. LOL, TSP? TSP? Hahahaha…” Sadly, he didn’t see XeXeXe right behind him. WHAM! “Oooh, look at all the pretty stars!” WHAM! “Not THE Sh0v31$ N0000 !’M 4 741!B34N! YIPPIE!” Fred walked out of the igloo. “I think you hit him a little hard.” Xexexe grunted and ran off. Chapter 5: Str00dels and Teddy Bears The IRS Car “101 !’M 4 $7R00D31 P4NC4K3! Y4y H499Y ME!” Austin8310 was lurching around the back of the truck, yelling gibberish. “What happened to him?” “I dunno. The other day this guy taxed this Winston guy and came back like that. “Owch.” “You betcha. It took 3 weeks of therapy for him to recover.” “3 weeks?” “Let’s just dump this guy off in Waffleland via Airline. I don’t want to have him in the car so long.” “Okay.” ---- In Waffleland, 3 weeks later. Austin8310 came out of his Str00del Coma to find himself in a place full of str00dels. “YOU STINKIN YELLOW PUFFLE! YOU STINKIN-“ Then he was hit by 10000 Raining Boots o’ Doom. Nobody insults Directory Benny. And gets away with it. After being bit by several wild teddy bears, attempting to Tax the Wafflelanders, and being stared at by this creepy person, Austin8310 left. Chapter 6: Attack of the Memes Meanwhile, Akbaboy was walking around in circles thinking of an idea to get rid of Austin not knowing that he IS Austin. "I got the perfect idea. I will summon a curse on him: a curse of memes. Internet memes. The perfect way to get rid of the IIRS person." He rushed to the national mint and asked Dnal for an über hippenproxy ticket. He told him about the fourth wall and showed him his card. He went to the twenty-first floor and got into the pod. He jumped to the nearest truck after being taken to the thirty-ninth floor. He sneaked the orue note and went up to the forty-first floor. He then ran into a figure in a dark cloak holding a fish. "Pay your taxes. Now." "Never. I will never pay my taxes to IIRS. It is just a way to take penguins' cash." "Now." "Never." Akbaboy quickly did the rest of the directions and sneaked to the BoF. "Time to curse the IIRS person." He soon ran into the figure right before arriving at the meme installation office. "Give it up. Just pay me some money and I'll leave you alone." "No." His protractor then fell out. Akbaboy's eyes grew wide open and screamed "Your Austin!". "I know." "How can you DO this?" "Dunno. It's just a job...say, weren't you the guy...Oh, Hi Akbaboy." "Evil!" Akbaboy cursed him in time. Austin disappeared and Akbaboy teleported. Chapter 7: World of Hard Knocks Akbaboy appeared in his bed exhausted. He looked at the clock and freaked out as it said "12F00AM". Austin appeared in the van and started forcing more penguins to pay their taxes. Austin wasn't expecting the fright of the night as he saw a ghostly Weegee in front of him. "Weegee." "OMG! What is this? OH NOEZ, NOT HIM!" Austin kept slapping him with the fish without looking. He failed though. Weegee then disappeared. "I am probably just exhausted. I'll probably be back to normal by tomorrow." He was wrong. His curse may last forever if he doesn't fix it by tomorrow. Once tomorrow was over, he would be deleted. Tomorrow wasn't any better. He encountered some strange creature that humans call owls. The creature then shouted "O RLY?". "YA RLY!" "NO WAI!" "YA WAI!" Then the owl disappeared. Austin8310 then visited the BoF, shoving workers out of the way and then worked his way to the Department of Internet Memes. He did some research. "IT'S OVER 9000 MEMES! Oops, that was another one." "Hmmm...there's one-UH OH." A random BoF worker came up. "IMMA FIRING MAH LAZOR, BLAHHHHHHHH!" Austin8310 was blasted pretty dang far. Austin then shouted "OM NOM NOM!" and tried to eat Penghis Khan with Austin's spaghetti that used to be his fish. "SERVANTS! PENGHIS KHAN NEEDS A THESAURUS SO PENGHIS KHAN CAN LOOK UP A DEFINITION FOR BEAST!" His servants gave him a thesaurus and Penghis Khan whacked Austin with it. Austin went to sleep for an hour. He woke up fine in the IIRS van. "Ugh. What happened?" "You almost ate Penghis Khan while slapping him with a plate of spaghetti." "WHAT?!?" Chapter 8: Fudd Austin knocked on Fudd's door. KNOCK. KNOCK. KNOCK. KNOCK. KNOCK. "Anyone home?" he said as he opened the door-and the water fell right on his head. Austin yelled and ran farther into the house. He slipped on a banana peel, and flew into a turned off furnace. He got back up, covered in ashes and fuming. "''ALL RIGHT, WHO'S THE FUNNY GUY? I'M GOING TO-''" Fudd appeared. "Hehehehe! It's onlys mee!" Austin screamed and chased after Fudd. Fudd and Austin ran around the room in circles, Austin yelling about strangling (Even though he had a rollback gun and wasn't supposed to break the COC. What a traitor.) and blowing Fudd up, while Fudd was laughing and throwing cream pies at him. Austin: OK! YOU BETTER PAY YO- mmph! He got the cream pie of his face. Austin: PAY YOUR TA- mmph mmph mmph!!! After hours of cream pies and running, he just dragged himself out. Austin: Great. So much for that. Chapter 9: Winston=Pain x3 Poor Austin was having memes here and memes there. He figured he should do something after he taxes someone. KNOCK! KNOCK! Winston: Hi friend! Looks like you need a hug. Austin: Looks like YOU need to be taxed. Winston: NINJA HUG! Winston barged towards Austin but Austin slid into the bathroom. Winston just chased after him. Winston: Come on! Winston soon got a hold of Austin and sooner or later, Austin came out slumping and slouching. Austin - Ugh. Chapter 10: Out of the Way, Memes! Meanwhile, Akbaboy was sitting in this throne thinking and thinking. Akbaboy: Fine. I guess I'll get rid of his memes. It was only 60 seconds before he got deleted. Akbaboy rushed to the BoF and quickly went to the department. 10, 9, 8 . . . Ding, ding, ding, ding. 7, 6, 5 . . . Ding, ding, ding, ding. 4, 3, 2-- He typed something looking like this: UNIVERSE #133713 - ARTICLE = AUSTIN8610 OPTIONS EDITABLE BY DEPARTMENT #11()SECTION #1 *instance_decrease_memes(Y) *instance_increase_memes(N) *instance_save_export(N) *instance_load_import(N) Austin suddenly went paranoid and fell asleep. The next day, we awoke in his Chi Con condo. Austin: Why am I not deleted? His answering machine suddenly turned on Akbaboy: Austin. Sorry for all the fuss before. I destroyed your meme curse. So . . . happy now? The voice suddenly changed. Answering machine: Please leave a message after the beep. BEEP! Austin didn't want to answer. He didn't want to do his job today. He just wanted to relax and lay around all day but he couldn't. Austin: Another day...great. Chapter 11: Weird House Austin, after a day of shouting, yelling, getting vases thrown at him and doors slammed in his face, sighed and walked to his last door. It was Willy the Penguin. KNOCK KNOCK! Austin: Let me in! You have taxes to pay! The door didn't open. It just fell down. Austin: Weird house... COMING SOON! Soon to come: Flywish, Random East Pengolians. And maybe Willy the Penguin. Category:stories Category:events Category:Stuff that breaks the 4th wall